


Those Sleepless Nights

by fields_of_falafel



Series: The Misadventures of the Modern Hams [2]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Angst, Gen, Happy Ending tho, Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, me excessively ranting in the end notes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-13
Updated: 2016-05-13
Packaged: 2018-06-08 02:32:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6835408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fields_of_falafel/pseuds/fields_of_falafel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Getting Alex to sleep was like telling him not to fight someone: it just didn't work out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Those Sleepless Nights

**Author's Note:**

> okay so in part 1 there was a (very) brief glimpse into the schuyler sisters childhood and now i'm going to change course and talk about ham's, which, sadly, is not as happy
> 
> as a psa both ham man and stevens are 14 in this, so just about two years after ham's mother died

Alex liked living with Edward Stevens and his family, even if he did miss his brother. He finally had an opportunity here, he could finally be more than the orphan boy. It probably helped that he brought in some income and he’d been friends with Ed since he was a kid, but it made him feel that it was less like charity. Either way, he was much better off than he’d been two years ago. In some ways, at least.

“Night, Ham.” Ed cut off their lamp.

“Night, Steve.” He responded, the darkness sadly hiding his smirk.

“You’re the worst, I hope you know that.”

Alex chuckled. “You love me anyway.”

“Go to sleep.”

Fifteen minutes later Alex was snoring, much to his surprise. Getting Alex to sleep was like telling him not to fight someone; it just didn’t work out. He'd said he’d slept last night, but he knew that wasn't true. Alex had a bad habit of pulling all-nighters because of school and work. Ed was sure that he was at least two weeks’ ahead in homework at this point. That was probably the only reason he actually listened to him when he told Alex to go to sleep. 

For some reason, Ed couldn't sleep that night. He was prone to insomnia at times, and for some reason these months since Alex had moved in had worsened it. Mostly because Alex was so...loud. He was so full of ideas, so full of thoughts that it seems like there’s no room in his head to store them all. They’d had conversations that ran deep into the night, but Alex was the one who really kept it going. Ed honestly didn’t know how Alex managed himself on so little sleep, but maybe he wondered how Ed did. 

Most of their conversations were about nothing at all. Sometimes they were about the politics, which Ed had learned to not to start. He didn’t even talk about politics on St. Croix, he talked about American politics. They were interesting but Ed just didn’t find them relevant. Why dream of far-off places and distant governments when it’s never going to affect him in the long run? He’d much rather stay here on this island, even if it was small. He could do much more here with the poor and needy, if he did become a doctor, than he would in the United States. Alex, though, he had dreams that bordered on unrealistic. Or, at least, Edward feared they were unrealistic. He’d never admit it to his face, but there weren’t many opportunities for an immigrant in the US. There were few enough for a natural-born citizen there. He didn’t doubt that Alex was talented, he was just a realist. The world was a cruel place, Alex knew that more than anyone. Edward just wondered how he managed to keep his dreams so big. Perhaps he felt that he had nothing left to lose. It didn’t keep him from worrying about him, though. 

He glanced over at his clock. 2:34 a.m. Alex was still lightly snoring across the room. That was good. Even when he got Alex to sleep at a reasonable hour he didn’t always sleep well. In fact, he usually didn’t sleep well.

It usually wasn’t too bad, just him mumbling a little in his sleep with a pained look on his face. Obviously, it wasn’t ideal but Ed didn’t wake him up. He figured it’d be better if he left him to work through it on his own. If he remembered in the morning, he didn’t mention anything about it. 

Ed gave Alex a second look, just to double check that he was still sleeping peacefully. Satisfied, he climbed out of bed and walked downstairs for a snack. Maybe that would help him sleep. 

He perused the kitchen for a while, randomly snacking as he searched for a meal. He wandered around for close to half an hour before he finally closed the fridge for the fourth time. 

He walked back upstairs with a half-eaten cookie in his hands. Every time he took a bite he could hear the crumbs hitting the ground and prayed that Papa wouldn't notice. He wouldn't take kindly to his son waking him up before six a.m.

Though, he probably wouldn't take kindly to the noise that had just come from his bedroom. He rushed into their room and found himself faced with Alex screaming in his sleep. 

He dropped the remainder of his cookie and rushed to his bed. 

“Alex? Alex! Wake up!” He shook the smaller kid, whose face was contorted in something resembling fear, but so much worse.

“No, Mami! Don’t leave me, please!” His words dissolved into choked sobs and Ed found that he was helpless.

“Alex!” He shook him one final time and his eyes popped open, confused and clouded with fear.

“No no no no no! Get off!” Alex kept switching back between French and English, and it didn’t help that he was saying all this while struggling against Ed. He overpowered him easily and pressed his hands against Alex’s cheeks.

“It’s okay, I’m here. It’s me, Ed? You’re safe in our room, okay? Nothing’s wrong.” He tried to say comfortingly. Bit by bit, Alex’s confusion faded away and was replaced by his apologetic gaze.

“Ed, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you, I promise not to do that in the future, I really didn’t mean to-”

“Alex, it’s okay. I was already awake.” He paused to stroke a tear away. “Do you wanna talk about it?”

He shook his head but just a few moments later said defeatedly, “It was about my mother.”

Ed looked down. He knew his mother was a sore subject for him. He’d hardly ever talked about her in the year that they’d been together and when he did he would almost immediately change the subject. 

“It’s okay now.” He tried to say comfortingly. 

Alex took a breath to try and break up the sobs that were choking him, but just ended up with more tears running down his cheeks.

“Shhh,” Ed said as Alex began blubbering on unintelligibly. It sounded like he was talking about his mother and he was sorry, but Ed wasn’t too sure.

“Come on now.” Ed picked Alex up, blankets and all and moved him to his bed. 

“Your bed’s kinda shitty anyway, right?” It didn’t work. Ed didn’t expect it to. So, instead, he only murmured reassurances to Alex as he wrapped both of them in more blankets. He wrapped his arms around the smaller boy.

“It’s going to be okay.” One arm was wrapped securely around Alex’s waist while the other wiped a tear from his eye. Alex fell silent after a while and nuzzled against Ed. The older boy wasn’t completely sure if Alex was completely coherent, but he comforted him anyway. Alex was silent for so long that Ed was beginning to think, or rather, hope that he’d fallen back asleep.

“It was always so cold.” Alex began, his voice shaking on every word. 

“I stayed close to her to keep warm, but she was cold too. Everything was cold. I-I don’t remember too much, but an ache like that? It’s still, it’s still there. I felt her die, Ed. I felt her die.” On the last word his voice cracked and Ed squeezed his arms around him.

“It’s okay.” They were hollow words, but he hoped they could provide some sort of comfort. He knew they didn’t. He had no idea what it was like, to lose someone. Everyone he’d ever known hadn’t died yet, but Alex had lost everyone. First his father, and then two years later his mother and finally his cousin. He didn’t even get to see his brother that much now. Ed realized startlingly that he was the last person Alex had left, that really knew him. It filled him with a sense of responsibility, and he found himself feeling helpless. He couldn’t even comfort him properly. He’d heard Ed’s sweet nothings but he didn’t seem to acknowledge it. Instead, he just curled up against him more. Maybe that meant something. Trust? Comfort? Ed didn’t know, but he did his best.

“It’s gonna be okay.” He repeated, and pressed his lips to the top of Alex’s head. He felt him smile against his chest and moments later he was asleep again. Edward pressed one last kiss to his head and was finally able to fall asleep, with his arms still wrapped securely around Alex.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading :D i'm planning to do a one-shot about john's upbringing to go along with these two but it's still in the works idk i have a ton of plans i just have to actually write them down ya feel?? writers need snuggles not struggles tbh
> 
> okay so fun fact edward stevens was the son of the guy who took aham in after cousin pete kicked the bucket and there are rumors that the two of them were actually half-brothers. rachel was known for sleeping around a bit (she was the cool parent tho and who aham got all of his smarts from, james hamilton was a deadbeat with a good name) and so hamilton might not actually be a hamilton he might be a stevens. alexander stevens. okay yeah time to stop myself
> 
> i would put parts of this in creole or french but, um,,,,, i don't speak any of those languages so.....
> 
> also i seem to be starting at two completely different points in time and slowly moving them closer?? i guess?? idk it seems to be working let's just roll with it


End file.
